Sunday, January 5, 2014

Being Self Strong = Being Mentally Tough

Being Self Strong means you are mentally strong. 

There are a lot of articles out there on mental toughness - what it is, what it isn't, how to get it.  Much that has been written about mental toughness is from the perspective of developing and using this skill in high performance situations.  Usually that means on the athletic field, in Fortune 500 board rooms, in theaters on Broadway, in surgical theaters and in wartime theaters.  The reality is we all need mental toughness.  We may not be trying to win a long-shot wild card game in the NFL, or perform an opera flawlessly, but we all must perform in our lives.  There are just fewer spectators of our performances.  

What is Mental Toughness?

Being mentally tough means you are able to perform at your fullest potential no matter the circumstances.  For athletes that may mean pushing through physical pain, making a good play just after making a serious mistake, staying focused despite fan and opposing player taunts, etc.  Being able to turn things around even when things look like "it's over."  

For parents it may mean performing (i.e., making good parenting decisions) when your kids are screaming at you, maybe even hitting you, certainly making your life hell.  Having your buttons pushed (kids find your weak spots very easily it seems) but making the hard decisions anyway - i.e., not letting your kids manipulate you and following through on consequences.

You're able to perform despite distractions.  When you become distracted you are able to recognize that quickly and refocus.  Some might even suggest that those who are mentally tough are "in the zone" more often than not.   

Parents or athletes.  Ballerinas or school teachers.  Maintaining one's mental toughness is not easy.  But how do you develop it to begin with?  I believe it starts with knowing who you truly are.

What Does Being Self Strong Have To Do With It?

First of all, for those who may be new to this blog let me briefly let you know what I mean by being "Self Strong."  This refers to knowing who you are.  Who you truly are, and expressing who you are unapologetically.  Knowing who you truly are, who you authentically are, is not necessarily an easy thing to figure out.  I've blogged a little bit about how to figure it out here.  

Being Self Strong means that you know what you value, and what you want and what you don't want from life.  

When you are Self Strong you are able to make decisions and enact choices that reflect who you truly are.  This means you will be confident in your choices.  You will be much less likely to second guess yourself when your decisions have unintended or negative consequences. 

Mentally strong people do not dwell on mistakes or missed opportunities because they know the decisions they made that led to that point were made from a place of strength and authenticity.  That doesn't mean such folks are immune to regret, frustration or even anger.  Self Strong people can make mistakes.  They may come to realize that their values and desires may have changed which may mean that some decisions are no longer a good fit.  What they will do next is stop to figure out what went wrong and adjust.  They may use self-talk like this: "Now that I know that, I'll do it differently next time."


I firmly believe that we all do the very best we can in each moment of our lives.  And in turn, each moment of our lives can teach us something about ourselves and the world around us.  The more we remain open to full awareness, the more Self Strong we can become.

Be Mentally Tough.  Develop Your Self Strength.

If mental toughness is something you have wanted to develop, I recommend determining how well you truly know yourself and how well you are able to be you.  Knowing who you truly are and living your life based on that knowledge will never be an act.  You will never have to remember what you're "supposed to do" or how you're "supposed to act."  

You'll just know because it will just be you.  And you will be mentally strong.

In my opinion, being as self-aware as possible can be liberating.  It means that the expectations of others can be viewed with interest and perhaps even acted upon, but knowing who you truly are and being Self Strong means you do not have to be beholden to who others think you ought to be.  

After all, aren't you the one who knows you best - or are, at least, in the best position to figure it out?

What do you think?

Share your thoughts, ideas, disagreements in the comments below.  Have I captured what it means to be mentally tough?  Do you think developing self-awareness is important?  Is being mentally tough important?  I'd love to hear from you!

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